Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Should have

I thought it was over, but apparently not.

My heart breaks a little more whenever I'm reminded of us. Nowadays, I get reminded more of the things you did not do for me, and the things you did not like about me. I ask myself why, a lot. It makes me sad that I put myself and let myself be in that situation. I should have fought for myself a little more, a little harder. While all I ever did was try so hard to understand you, I don't think I was being understood. You might not know this, but I think I was always overlooked. I refused to believe that, and only thought of you and for you. I was never the focus. There are things that happened that I still don't understand up to today, like why you got mad/upset on (more than) several occasions. I was always apologizing for things I could not understand. Now when I think of it, towards the end - when I was desperately clinging on, there were many hints that I should have taken. I should have let go earlier. I should have known.

I think I deserved more. There were times I did not feel good about myself, and I wondered why. I did not know much then, but I think I know now. I did everything I could and everyone knows how much I put into the relationship. But it was a toxic relationship, and I'm glad you pushed for the right choice. There were red flashing lights on multiple occasions - I really should have known.

After more than a year, I think I finally got the closure I needed. I needed for myself to realize that it wasn't my fault that things could not work out and that maybe it was, in fact, yours.


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Losing Focus

I'm trying my hardest to keep myself motivated. And it's really getting harder each day...

One thing to look forward to: Last Friday, I booked my trip to Los Angeles (& Disneyland!!!) with my friend! We're only going to be there for a few days, but I'm super excited about going away! Can't wait to actually be in LA, and just chill out at a cafe! Hehehe! I'm also planning to ski in Vancouver, so fingers crossed for this one!

For now, let's keep focus Cand! #wishmeluck #iamgonnaneedit


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Currently feeding on strong emo vibes

1. Jack of all trades, Master of none.

This phrase really describes me.

2. I love my mommy.

She's the best (and very funny too). I think I've reached the point where, if no one cares, it doesn't matter. I really don't need anyone else but her.

3. It's probably impossible, but I want to get on the Dean's list.

Or at least score all As for my courses these last two semesters. I do wish that I didn't have 4 midterms, and 2 assignments all in 9 days. But I got to suck it up!!! Come on Cand, you can do it! :)

4. I wish I had more sass. Like Jessi does. LOVE Jessi

Thursday, October 29, 2015


Here are my ramblings on - 

1. The Upcoming Winter Holidays: 
Since I end my exams super early this year, I was thinking if I should visit LA... But I really want to make London 2016 happen, so maybe I should save up the money instead. IDK!!! If I don't go I'll have a loooooong 3 weeks break, and I was thinking maybe I would go skiing somewhere near by instead, but hmm, skiing is expensive too. Besides, thanks to the El Nino effect this year, we don't know if the snow will be good... Fingers crossed for now! 

2. "I-really-want-to-spend-money-on-something-expensive": 
Recently, I've been really superficial and there are a lot of days where I just REALLY want to buy something expensive. So, I go onto shopping sites and just browse and browse for hours. There are so many things I cannot afford that I want - a Sophie Hulme mini box bag (with the "wish you were here" keyring!!!), the structured Fendi monster tote, the all white Saint Laurent sneakers, Kenzo sneakers - you get the drift. Eventually, I close the browsers because, quite unfortunately, I'm a broke bitch... Obviously, I can't afford to spend all that money all at once. 

It gets really hard in a society that places so much emphasis on materialism to stay focused and think of long term goals like saving to buy a house, or a car, for example. Maybe even to save up to go to Europe for my graduation trip. You get so many bloggers posting expensive things they bought (or were gifted), and they make me really want those products. But ultimately, it obviously boils down to whether I have the willpower (and obviously, the lack of the dolla-dolla-bills$ss$) to not buy that bag. 

3. Am currently repeating Adele's "Hello":
DAMN, her songs are sooo good!!! I've been hooked since it came out! My friends might be getting a little annoyed with me singing along to it LOL!!! My obsession with the song is quite atrocious!

4. ECON 454 - Theory of Corporate Finance:
It's almost 1am and I still have not started on studying for my dearest ECON 454... My most difficult course yet. Hmmmmm my only motivation is so that when my prof asks questions, I don't sound dumb! LOL!!! And also, I don't want to be THAT student who didn't do her homework. Since I sit in front, he asks me almost every time he allocates 'homework'. Omg, I'm gonna sound so dumb tmr... Better get studying now. Wish me luck!!!


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Xcited for Xmas

It's not even Halloween yet, but I'm already getting increasingly excited for Christmas!!! I do hope it will be magical this year!!! 

XX, Cand